LOVESICK

Lovesick. Have you ever been lovesick? I hear this word used again and again by a worship leader named Misty Edwards that my daughter made me aware of. I love her passion and intimacy that she communicates but there is something in her music that is beyond melodies, harmonies, and lyrical composition.

In a song she does on her Fling Wide cd called "Lovesick", the words of the chorus are as follows:
"Happy am I to live a hungry life, blessed am I to thirst.
Disillusionment is my gift within, and I am blessed, I am blessed among men."

These words challenged me and spoke to me. Let me share with you why. First the word lovesick means, " in love, or missing the person one loves, so much that one is unable to act normally." First I realized I was NOT lovesick. My love for Jesus wasn't like that of a young person who in the absence of the one whom he loves acts foolishly, even irrationally. My love for Jesus had become more like that of an old married person. You know what I am talking about. The kind where you take your beloved for granted. Where the passion is replaced with passivity and the fire is just a smoldering remembrance of what used to be.

When I met my wife in High School I had love for her like that. We would spend our waking hours together every single day and then when we separated for the night I couldn't wait to get home to call and spend an hour or two with her on the phone. I remember what that feeling was like, I remember when I first came to Jesus and how I loved Him with a love like that too. He became my heart's cry. I had so wonderfully been delivered from so much I shared His love with anyone and everyone who would give me half a chance. But as I look back that love has changed as well. I became more reserved, more measured in my love. More 'mature' and self-controlled, more 'normal'.

But you know what? I miss that love. I miss that passion and fire that actually burned in my chest at times and made me act 'abnormal'. I want it back, I want to be hungry and thirsty again. Hunger is a craving or strong desire, thirst is a dissatisfaction or longing. Disillusionment is a feeling of disappointment resulting from the discovery that something is not as good as one believed it to be. How can that be a gift? How can disappointment be a good thing?

Listen beloved to my heart. We have made church what God never intended it to be. Church is an assembly of believers who have been called out of darkness into HIS marvelous light. We assemble so that HE might be worshiped, adored, and honored. The Church is His bride and HE is the Bridegroom. The Church is not here to take the place of the Bridegroom but to facilitate the bride in finding a place to express her longing and desire for Him!

So many because we have lost this 'first love' relationship are spiritually bored, emotionally crippled, and without a clear vision toward our loving Lord and Saviour. We have lost our , 'ohhh' when He enters the room. We have substituted acts of service for hearts of passion and fire. Some would say that there is nothing wrong with an old couples love that keeps them around and faithful for the duration. But if you ask anyone in that relationship they would tell you that nothing can take the place of raw passion and love that will make you more than just faithful--but make you feel that the very beat of your heart is fueled by your lovers presence.

I am lovesick for my Beloved and my Beloved is lovesick for me! I don't want to be healed of this dis-ease. Lord fuel it drive me to you in intimacy and hunger for more of YOU. My disillusionment is causing me to look AWAY from everything else to look deeply and intently for YOU! Jesus forgive me for thinking the church could do for me what only YOU can do, for touching me the way only You can. I love YOU Lord, I am aching for YOU! I am longing for YOU! My boredom is a symptom of something far deeper and more important than just having something to do. Wake this passion up in me o Lord and cause me to behold YOUR beauty.